Five Minute Friday : Present. At Last.

Five minutes of free writing with a one-word prompt from Five Minute Friday.

five-minute-friday-present

This week’s prompt is a challenging one for me. Be present? Live in the present? Not yesterday? Not tomorrow? But now – present?

It doesn’t come naturally to me.

When I was very (very) much younger, I didn’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow. But I wasn’t present. Not then. I did not see what’s happening around me. I did not see the love and friendships around me. I did not see me. I was not present.

After I got married and started a family, I could only see tomorrow. I was full of bliss and happiness. I was full of hopes and anticipation. I was just looking forward to what may lie ahead. I forgot to be present.

12 years ago when I lost mother, regrets and grief engulfed me, pushing me deep into the memories of yesterday. Wishing I could turn back the clock and do what I didn’t do for her. Wishing I could just go back and be with her.  I couldn’t bear to be present.

This month, I’m turning (gasp!) 44.  I still remember all the yesterdays in my life. I am still looking forward to every tomorrow that I may have. But I’m no longer living in them. I’m living in the present, which is that tomorrow I’m walking to and which will become the yesterday that I treasure. I’m present now. Or at the very least, I’m trying very hard to. Every moment.

So I let my body sway to the music at my weekly Zumba class. Never mind I look like ridiculous. I sing my hearts out at the karaoke with my girls. Never mind them giving me that “I’ll never introduce my friends to my mum” look. I write about the nice and not-so-nice moments about this life. Never mind I can’t really write well.

I’m present. At Last.

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5 Comments

  1. Living in the present is a sure way of forgetting the troubles of yesterday and focusing on how best we can make ourselves happy now. Thank you for sharing this.

  2. Living in the present IS hard… and each day we must make a conscious choice. Thank you for that reminder today! You are an excellent writer, and (I’ve decided) that I’m present too! (your FMF neighbor)

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